Miss Manners: She’s threatening to end our friendship over a rummage sale dispute

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there really such a thing as rummage sale etiquette?

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Here is what happened: A friend told me about a church rummage sale via text, with pictures. She wrote in capital letters “I REALLY LOVE THIS” next to a picture of a quilt for sale. I said it was neat.

Well, we were in line for the sale to open, and she was in front of me, but she went in a direction away from the quilt. I knew where the bedding was at this yearly sale, so I got the quilt, because I wanted it, too, and so did two other ladies.

She is now mad at me because she said I knew she quilted. But I had forgotten that.

She asked whether our friendship was worth me getting the quilt before her.

So what is the etiquette? I feel that whoever gets the item gets the item. Is that right, even if you both want it??????

GENTLE READER: Yes, but yours was not exactly an innocent mistake, was it?

You learned of the quilt because of your friend’s text and you watched her go off in what you knew was the wrong direction.

Miss Manners admits that it would have been worse had you trampled her in your haste to snatch the quilt — or hidden it when she passed by — but surely you must understand why she feels ill-used.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Upon entering the bin-loading line at airport security, the traveler directly ahead of me started to load her bin at the tail end of the “rolling pin” line, farthest from the scanner.

There was no one ahead of her, leaving the roughly 30 feet of loading area empty. There were travelers behind me.

I grabbed an empty bin, walked around her and began filling it. She completed loading her bin and brought it around in front of me to run through the scanners.

I would not have noted any of this except that, as we picked up our bins post-scanner, the traveler turned to me and noted that I had rudely cut in front. With several additional critical comments, she got her displeasure off her chest.

I had several responses in mind but simply wished her safe travels.

I have had a bit of esprit de l’escalier, but also some reflection. Who, in your opinion, was the impolite party?

For my part, I think this traveler committed two etiquette gaffes, but I have certainly been wrong before.

GENTLE READER: Even had she not known how you (politely and correctly) resolved the situation, Miss Manners would have concluded — from your charging that person with only two rudenesses — that you value civil coexistence. She thanks you for that rare restraint.

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In your place, your fellow traveler, who is evidently stockpiling indignities, would no doubt have filed separate charges for each specific insult — without waiting to think of them on the staircase.

A polite traveler who needed extra time to hoist everything up onto the belt should simultaneously, and explicitly, invite those in line behind to proceed.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.