DEAR HARRIETTE: I am very close with a woman who has been my friend for more than 30 years.
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We are part of a larger friend group of people we have known for anywhere from 15 to 20 years, so we are all longtime friends. Still, I share some intimacies with my oldest friend that I do not share with anyone else.
Imagine how upset I was one day to walk in on a conversation that my oldest friend was having with five of my acquaintances about my business. I couldn’t believe my ears.
I confided things to her believing that she wouldn’t discuss them at all, let alone with the rest of our friends. I was both embarrassed and outraged.
What can I say to my friend to express how upset I am? I feel like our friendship has been irreparably broken.
— Broken Friendship
DEAR BROKEN FRIENDSHIP: Tell her that you believe she violated your trust by breaking confidentiality about something you shared solely with her. Make it clear how hurt you are.
Beyond that, stop telling her anything that you don’t want others to know. Whether intentional or not, she has proven that she cannot keep a secret.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a mother in my early 50s, and I find myself grappling with overwhelming regret about the way I raised my children.
In hindsight, I realize that I may have inadvertently spoiled them and instilled a sense of entitlement that I now see as unhealthy.
My kids, now in their 20s, seem to struggle with responsibilities and have a skewed perception of the world. They expect instant gratification and often display entitled attitudes that I fear are hindering their personal growth.
I can’t help but blame myself for their behavior, as I was the one who raised them and set the tone for our family dynamics.
Is it too late to guide my children toward a more responsible and appreciative mindset? I want to help them develop a stronger work ethic and a sense of gratitude for what they have.
What steps can I take as a parent to address this regret and support my kids in becoming more responsible adults?
— Redirect Their Course
DEAR REDIRECT THEIR COURSE: Your children are young adults. Now is the time for them to put into practice the things you taught them alongside whatever they choose to do for themselves. Can you continue to guide them? Maybe. You can certainly share your thoughts on how they should proceed with their lives.
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Harriette Cole: Should I say something about what I’ve heard next door?
Have an honest conversation with them where you point out your regrets. Be as direct as possible, including explaining that in order to be a successful, independent person, you have to be able to take care of yourself. You can admit that you have done a lot of these basic things for them for much of their lives, but now it is time for them to do these things for themselves.
If they are open to it, make a list with them of duties that are requirements for life, then step back. They will have to learn by doing. Yes, they will stumble. But they will also need to learn to pick themselves up and grow from their mistakes.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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