DEAR HARRIETTE: As the eldest in my family, I’ve unintentionally become the default babysitter for my grandchildren, great-nieces and -nephews and other young family members during gatherings.
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This shift has made family reunions less enjoyable, as I anticipate being on constant babysitting duty.
Considering this, I’m contemplating skipping the upcoming family reunion.
How can I navigate this situation and maintain family connections without feeling burdened by constant child care responsibilities?
— No More Child Care
DEAR NO MORE CHILD CARE: As you’re the elder in your family, your family should respect your wishes, including how you spend your time.
You should stop allowing your family members to assume that you want to babysit. Rather than ditching the family reunion, ditch that role.
Before the event, let everyone know that you will not be on duty for child care. Explain that you will no longer be able to fill that role, so they need to arrange for someone else to bear that responsibility.
Of course you are happy to greet the children and give them some loving attention, but you will not accept the extremely important caretaking role that has been assumed to be yours up to this point.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m reaching out because I’m facing a significant challenge in my romantic relationship.
My partner and I have been together for a couple of years, and we’ve always had different perspectives on travel. I’m passionate about exploring new places and crave the excitement of frequent adventures, while my partner is more of a homebody, preferring the comfort and routine of our domestic life.
Lately, this difference in our preferences has become a source of tension. I feel a strong desire to travel, experience new cultures and make memories together, but my partner is resistant to the idea.
It’s causing stress in our relationship, and I’m worried about the long-term impact. How can we find a compromise that allows me to satisfy my traveling desires while also respecting my partner’s need for stability?
— Traveler Vs. Homebody
DEAR TRAVELER VS. HOMEBODY: The challenge you have described has been there since the beginning. Somehow, you were able to accept it when you got into a relationship with this person.
How were you able to find peace with their travel choices then? Think back. What made you look beyond this significant difference?
It could be that you liked your partner enough to forgive them for being different. Can you do that now? It doesn’t mean you have to throw your travel dreams away. It may mean you have to modify them.
Do you have any friends who do like to travel? I know many married people who have homebody spouses. They fulfill their travel bug by taking off with friends to go on adventures. There’s safety in numbers, and the group is actually friends, so there’s comfort in knowing that you are in good company.
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Other folks decide to take an annual trip on their own. They map it out and create an itinerary that they then give to their partner or someone else who is happy to keep an eye out on them from a distance.
You don’t have to give up your passions to be a good partner. You just have to be an honest and excellent communicator.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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