DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex-girlfriend and I, ages 23 and 22 respectively, have made an unconventional decision to continue living together post-breakup for financial reasons.
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Despite our intentions to maintain a cordial environment until our lease ends in seven months, my family strongly opposes this idea.
I’m questioning the potential emotional impact of this arrangement and seeking advice on managing the situation without compromising our peace.
— Interim Arrangements
DEAR INTERIM ARRANGEMENTS: You may be surprised to learn that many couples find themselves in exactly this situation.
Whether it’s riding out a lease or a mortgage, when breakups happen, they are rarely convenient, and life circumstances have to be sorted out.
As young adults, this will likely be your first big test on how you handle a relationship crisis. You can do it!
As you should have done when you moved in together, establish ground rules for sharing a space. Delineate everything, from who does what chores to shared expenses and policies surrounding guests.
While it is likely that you both may begin dating again, you may want to keep your home off-limits to dates and sleepovers. If either of you does want to have romantic company, the other should agree to be out during that time unless you agree that you can be civil to the guest who’s coming over.
Make an exit plan so that when you get to the end of the lease, you are clear about how you will move on.
DEAR HARRIETTE: Approaching my birthday, I’m conflicted between my preference for laid-back celebrations and my friends’ inclination toward lively outings.
As I consider hosting a small sleepover instead of having a night out bar-hopping, I’m concerned about maintaining an enjoyable atmosphere.
Should I compromise for one night and celebrate my birthday at the newest lounge in our city? It has great reviews — though I have to admit it’s not entirely my scene.
— It’s My Birthday
DEAR IT’S MY BIRTHDAY: The one day of the year when you should be able to do what you want to do is your birthday. If bar-hopping isn’t your thing, don’t give it another thought for that day.
Sleepovers can be great fun for friends who enjoy each other’s company. Plan out the time with great food and drinks and a few activities. Board games are still winners for group activities. You can also watch a movie together and, of course, just talk and swap fun stories.
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Design a welcoming invitation that you send to the people you want to join you. An email or text invitation is fine. Make sure it is clear that this is a personal invitation, meant only for the recipient.
Keep it intimate, and enlist support from your closest friends. Do not feel beholden to folks who aren’t part of your inner circle. Not everyone has to be invited to every event.
Don’t worry that some friends may prefer to go to the bar. You can all do that together another day.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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