DEAR HARRIETTE: In our social circles with married couples, my boyfriend and I face persistent pressure from one friend about getting married.
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We recently moved in together, which was a big deal for us. We are going at our own pace. But this badgering not only creates discomfort for my boyfriend and me, it also raises questions about our relationship’s future.
How can I initiate a calm and honest conversation with my friend, setting clear boundaries and addressing my concerns without causing tension in the group?
— Mind Your Business
DEAR MIND YOUR BUSINESS: Request a get-together with your friend where you can talk openly and privately. Tell them that you appreciate their concern for you, but you need them to back off with the marriage talk.
You and your boyfriend are building your relationship at your own pace. It does not help for your friend to pressure you about your future. Ask them to accept the two of you for who you are and where you are in your relationship and to stop asking about your plans.
You may also want to expand your friend group. It is natural for married people to talk about marriage. That is the life circumstance they are in. Your friend probably doesn’t realize how much the topic comes up in conversation because it may be a natural part of their interaction. Still, you can create boundaries.
You and your boyfriend can talk about the future and what each of you wants. It’s not a bad idea to map out what comes next.
DEAR HARRIETTE: Freshly graduated with my master’s degree and entering the job market, I grapple with uncertainties surrounding negotiating my first salary.
As I embark on my career journey, how can I navigate this process successfully, ensuring fair compensation that aligns with my skills and sets the stage for a promising professional future?
— Setting Myself Up for Success
DEAR SETTING MYSELF UP FOR SUCCESS: Do some research. Find out what the average salaries are for the jobs you are interested in having. Then look to see if having an advanced degree will help to up your salary for any of those positions.
Continue to educate yourself about the career trajectory for your field of interest. It is smart to look for work where there’s growth potential and respect for your academic accomplishments.
If you have practical experience in the field, that helps tremendously, too. Any internships, previous employment or volunteer opportunities that can go on your resume should help make you more appealing to a potential employer.
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Know that sometimes you have to start small to grow big. If you do not find a job exactly in your area, that’s OK. Secure a job, and find other ways to get involved in your area of interest.
Join professional organizations. Go to business gatherings in your field. Put yourself out there to build a network of people who are doing the work you want to do. Keep at it, and you will be able to find the right fit for you.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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