Miss Manners: My partner all of a sudden has a problem with my name

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been with my partner for a number of years, and all of a sudden he has a problem with my last name. He wants me to get rid of it and renew using my maiden name instead.

Related Articles

Miss Manners: Do I really need to answer this question from strangers?

Miss Manners: Should I tell what I saw my neighbor doing in the yard?

Miss Manners: ‘Do I need to get over myself?’ asks a critic of the American wardrobe

Miss Manners: It was a horrifying thing to say at the funeral

Miss Manners: My brother demanded the fish, but I feel like it was my father’s

I am 73 years old. I have been divorced for 28 years and never thought of changing my married name, having had it longer than I had my maiden name. To change my name would be very expensive, not to mention a hassle: I would have to change it on all of my legal work, house loan, retirement accounts, etc.

Is it worth it, or too much hassle? Just curious.

GENTLE READER: That is entirely up to you. But are we sure that it is your maiden name that your partner wishes you to adopt? That, too, would be your choice. Miss Manners is merely curious.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have many nurses in my life: My mother, aunt, significant other and five of my closest friends are all in the medical field.

I love them all, of course, and love to spend time with them, but they are used to discussing certain things that I would rather not hear about.

I’m not in the medical field, and therefore have little pleasure in hearing about body fluids, bodily waste, catheters and Lord-knows-what-else entering and exiting people’s bodies.

They’ll talk about these topics anytime and anywhere, even in public and/or when I’m trying to eat.

I don’t know how to politely steer conversation away without seeming like I’m not interested in or supportive of their professional lives.

How can I be a good friend and loved one without risking my appetite at the same time?

GENTLE READER: Ask how they deal with queasiness. If they look puzzled, you can add, “… for people who have trouble hearing about bodily fluids.” And then, sheepishly, “It’s not a theoretical question.”

Miss Manners knows that this comes dangerously close to criticizing their manners for talking shop in front of you, but it does so only indirectly — and is more likely to be successful than pointing out that their chosen profession has some aspects that are revolting to the uninitiated.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it rude to tell an artist that you love their work but cannot afford to buy it?

I said something along these lines to an artist at a local art show, and her response was to the effect of, “The price is very reasonable.” Which it was, of course — I hadn’t intended to imply otherwise, just to express my regret at not being able to purchase the art.

Related Articles

Harriette Cole: I want the ring. How can I make him understand?

Dear Abby: Who can I ask about my husband’s suspicious behavior?

Ask Amy: I hate that my husband isn’t worn out by our baby

Harriette Cole: I walked in on her sharing my private business

Miss Manners: Do I really need to answer this question from strangers?

I had thought that saying that I would purchase a piece if only I could was a stronger compliment than simply saying I liked the art and moving on.

GENTLE READER: Sensible people believe you when you say that you love their work; introducing the topic of money does not, contrary to popular belief, make you sound more convincing.

And, as Miss Manners could have told you before you discovered it yourself, it can get you into trouble.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.