DEAR HARRIETTE: At 31, I’m grappling with the aftermath of my seven-year relationship.
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My ex-girlfriend quickly entered a new relationship just two months after my admission of infidelity.
Now, not only do suspicions of her potential infidelity linger, but the idea of maintaining our remaining friendship seems increasingly challenging.
How can I deal with this complex situation, considering my past mistakes and the need for closure?
— Can We Still Be Friends?
DEAR CAN WE STILL BE FRIENDS? You and your girlfriend were together for a long time, and it seems that your feelings remain unresolved.
You are suffering remorse for your misdeeds and desiring a closure that may or may not come. She has moved on.
Perhaps the best thing you can do right now is to step back. It is too soon for you two to be friends after having been a couple for so long.
Live your life independent of her. Allow yourself to heal. You may want to get counseling to help you work through your emotions and heal your wounds. Now is a time for you to take care of yourself.
Perhaps down the line the two of you can rekindle a friendship — or not.
You have to be willing to walk away. This relationship ended. You may never know if she cheated. Let that go, and move on with your life.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I often find myself procrastinating, and the adrenaline rush of completing tasks under pressure, while effective, leaves me with lingering stress. The cycle is taking a toll on my overall well-being.
What strategies or techniques can you recommend to help me break this pattern, overcome procrastination and manage the stress associated with last-minute tasks?
— No More Procrastinating
DEAR NO MORE PROCRASTINATING: Making a plan and implementing it can be the antidote for procrastination.
Notice that it is a two-step process. Why? Planners can dream up things to do for days, weeks, even years on end, but implementation is key to success.
I believe in coming up with ideas for what needs to be done and writing them down. You can start with big ideas. Just remember to break them down into small enough steps that they can be manageable.
I talk about this a lot, but you can set yourself up for success by giving yourself small tasks that you can accomplish in a limited amount of time. When you check off that you have completed a task, it gives you a sense of accomplishment and more energy to move onto the next task.
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That’s why written lists are so great. You can see what you have promised yourself you will do and what the outcome is.
Since you fall into the trap of doing things at the last minute, give yourself deadlines throughout the day or week when certain responsibilities need to be completed. Space them out well in advance of your final deadline so that you are not rushing to squeeze them all in at the 11th hour. You can do this.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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