DEAR HARRIETTE: My next-door neighbor and I have become close over the years, which is currently creating a bit of a situation.
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We have thin walls in my apartment building, and I have noticed recently that she and her husband have been screaming at each other way too often. I try to go into the other room so that I don’t have to listen to whatever they are arguing about, because I really don’t want to be all up in their business. It is just so hard not to hear them.
Because of this, I know what their issues are — at least the ones they argue about. I can see each of their sides on certain things. I worry that one day the situation could turn violent.
Do you think I should say something to her about this? Should I share my opinion?
— Stop Fighting
DEAR STOP FIGHTING: You should not put yourself in the middle of your neighbors’ domestic disputes. Unless your friend specifically asks you to comment on her life, consider it absolutely none of your business.
Arguments between couples often swing from one side to the other, rarely following pure logic. You do not want to get caught in the middle of whatever they are working through. Instead, be a silent supporter.
You can invite your neighbor for coffee or to go for a walk. But keep the conversation light. Let her introduce what she would like to discuss.
The only caveat to this would be if you learn that the arguments have escalated to physically dangerous circumstances. If you fear that your friend’s safety is being compromised, that’s when you call the police.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I realize that I am much closer to one of my sister’s children than her other ones.
It’s not that I don’t love them all, but I naturally spend more time talking to her daughter than her sons. I don’t mean to play favorites, and I don’t want the boys to feel like I don’t care about them. But I noticed when we were all together recently that she and I gravitated to each other and talked the most while I barely got a few sentences in with the boys.
Should I work harder to get close to my nephews? I love them all, but I enjoy spending time with my niece.
— Don’t Play Favorites
DEAR DON’T PLAY FAVORITES: As long as you let all of your nieces and nephews know that you love them, it should be fine.
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It is natural for people to gravitate more to one person than another. You don’t need to feel bad about that. Just be intentional about greeting all of the young people and taking the time to talk to each of them.
Choose to build a relationship with each, even if you end up spending more time with your niece. Your effort will mean a lot and will certainly be noticed.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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